In the shadows of the morning light, the snow has turned the ground to all but silent; there is nothing to be heard. It’s only broken when I hear a voice calling out a sound, but I can not make it out. Before the sun can even break through the trees, the cold has drawn the feeling from my fingers and I can not shake it off. Time slows down when I start counting seconds that I will never see again.

But at night, I burst into flames! Reach up my hand through the dirt of my grave to say “I’m not quite ready to die”. To admit it, if only for a moment, then I won’t feel sorry for myself because I won’t feel anything at all.

In the space between my ringing ears a buried hunger cries out for more, but there is nothing you can learn that you can not find in waking hours as far as you can reach, and as long as you can stand.

Then at night, you’ll burst into flames! Reach up your hands through the dirt of your grave to say you’re not quite ready to die. To admit it for as long as you can hold it then you won’t feel sorry for yourself, but if you wanna feel something tonight…

When I feel myself falling I look to the hands that have held me before and if I push you away when I need you the most, it means I can’t find the the right words to correctly speak from my heart. But I can write it in a song and I can hope you will sing along.

Because one day I won’t burst into flames and that dirt from my grave will be too much to remove. When I’m finally ready to die I’ll say “forget it, It’s never gonna happen!” and I will feel sorry for myself, because I want to feel everything I can.


from Grief Intensity Friendship, released July 10, 2017



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Jesse LeBourdais Vancouver, British Columbia

New Album "Grief Intensity Friendship" available now!

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