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You Were a Rifle

from Grief Intensity Friendship by Jesse LeBourdais

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lyrics

In my home town tonight, they are burying you down but I’m not there. I’m not there. I swear it’s not my fault, you wouldn’t want me to cancel shows just to be there. So I’m not there. But I would gladly send my love over the mountains and the fields just to pass through each and everyone who made it in my stead. I’m disappointed, and I can’t help but feel ashamed but I just can’t bury you. I’ll never bury you.

You were a rifle that we all held and were amazed every time it fired. You were a rock that I broke myself against since I was just a child. So I keep your words running through my veins and I would carve your name into my skin. You were a rifle that will never fire again, but I will remember the sound for as long as I will live.

I spent the last three weeks in vain, trying to cut through sorrow and pain to listen to your songs but I don’t make it very far. When your voice cuts through the sound, that’s when I have to shut it down. I just can’t accept it. I’m better at denial than I am with grief. I spent the first week after you died tearing a hole through my own insides trying to remember the last words that I said to you and where. On a long drive coming home, through the fog an image shown of an embrace and the words “it was good to see you.”

You were a rifle that we all held and were amazed every time it fired. You were a rock that I broke myself against since I was just a child. So I keep your words running through my veins and I’d carve your name into my skin. You were a rifle that will never fire again, but I will remember the sound for as long as I will live.

In my home town tonight, they are burying you down but I’m not there. I’ll never bury you.

credits

from Grief Intensity Friendship, released July 10, 2017

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Jesse LeBourdais image

Jesse LeBourdais Vancouver, British Columbia

Punk rocker/folk singer, now an author, apparently.

Breaking strings and writing words since 1998.

New Single "We Howl" out March 1st, 2024

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